A dear sweet friend of mine invited me along a journey with her to study the book of Gideon with a Bible study by Priscilla Shirer. I love Bible study & I love Priscilla Shirer & I love my sweet friend, Mindy, so I said yes!
It's an awesome study and I can relate to so much of what's in it. In some of the daily homework it was asking about problems we were facing and such and I really could not think of anything serious to write. Of course, I have problems just nothing that I had deemed serious enough. I listed some decisions that I knew I was going to need to make in the near future instead.
And then, boom, I got problems. Like a cry for days, a lament for hours, a sit in a chair and stare at the wall in a catatonic state type problem.
Immediately I jump into action because I will not stand for this. Exactly who do they think they are to speak to me in that manner? NOBODY will treat my baby this way.
I mistake that quiet small voice that whispers "trust me," as a call to trust the terrible horrible person. It takes me days to figure out that it's not what it meant. That it was a call to remember all I know and all I've seen and to trust in the Father. I've been faithfully doing my Bible study for 5 weeks and really for like 33 years and it takes days for the fog to lift and me to stop spinning long enough to breathe. And when I do the answers I've been seeking arrive in crystal clear little packages.
Like, I randomly wanted to start reading the Hunger Games trilogy again. And as I've been doing my Bible study I have been having all sorts of ideas of different ways to begin new ministries or revamp old ones. And then I've fall prey to the sneaky weapon of distraction. Who has time to think about ministries when there is war to be waged? But then as I'm engrossed in Katniss and Peeta and Haymitch, I come to the part where Katniss is about to go to her second Hunger Games, the Quarter Quell, and she doesn't know it yet, but there is a plan bigger than herself at play, and Haymitch can only tell her, "remember who your enemy is and who it is not." Then the quiet small voice comes again to remind me who the Enemy is and who it is not.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12
Then I was reading to the boys one night and Jack & Annie from the Magic Tree House were on a mission and what does Jack say but, "To succeed in your mission, you must be humble."
And then the daily Bible verse that is emailed to me everyday is, "For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory." Psalm 149:4.
And then Gideon in my Bible study diffuses a situation with the people of Ephraim by acting humbly and giving them honor where honor is not due.
And in the battle that I'm caught up in it's my turn, it's my play, it's my move and the very last thing I want to be is humble. I want blood, I want heads to roll, I want to send the message to back off, I want them to know the evidence is in my favor, I want them to know I will not be bullied, and I want them to know I am not afraid. And God wants me to be humble. I would not mind humble so much if only I could send the enemy (the little one, not the big one) a message that says something like, "I am only being humble because God said so and I don't like it but I am doing it and that makes me better than you." And then possibly I might stick out my tongue or something.
Although my heart does not yet feel like it, I give honor where honor is not due and in this I know I am victorious. Nothing about my situation has changed, but there is peace knowing your steps are directed by the ultimate gamemaker. He can see the bigger picture.
The evidence is clearly in my favor in this worldly battle I've been facing. I can win. People and information have been laid before me and the odds are ever in my favor. But God gets more glory when the odds are against Him. He gets more glory when I am weak and He is strong. This does not mean I do not win in the end, it just means I don't fight dirty. It just means I use His weapons and not mine, even if they seem contrary to what I would need to go into battle, even if they seem silly to the world.
Gideon had 32,000 troops at his disposal, God sent 22,000 home, 10,000 remained to defeat the Midianites who had oppressed them for years. Of the 10,000 troops, God sent another 9,700 home, 300 remained. The odds were against them. And then he wanted them to carry trumpets, empty jars, and torches to battle. The enemy had camels and swords and spears and they carried jars and trumpets. God chose unusual weapons.
David was given kingly armor to defeat Goliath, yet he chose to go into battle with only 5 stones. God chose unusual weapons.
Joshua was the new leader of the Isrealites. Forty years before the people were afraid to take Jericho and now God has told him to march around the city for 7 days in order to defeat it. And while you are at it rescue a prostitute who will become in the lineage of Jesus himself. God chose unusual weapons.
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
I write all of this not to expose my emotions or thoughts or to congratulate myself on choosing the right thing, but to say if any of you are wondering what it looks like today to choose unusual weapons, to choose heavenly weapons; perhaps one of the strongest and fiercest weapons we can choose is humility, because self-centeredness, pride, and power are weapons of the world and have no value in our arsenal. I am not from here. But our citizenship is in heaven.
Because although its painful to come in last here on this earth, I'd rather it here than in heaven. I'll not fight the battle on their terms of revenge, retaliation, rudeness, and condemnation.
I have this prayer beside my bed and I try to say it every morning,
I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will;
Put me to doing, put me to suffering;
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
Exalted for You or brought low for You;
Let me be full, let me be empty;
Let me have all things, let me have nothing;
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now, glorious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, You are mine and I am Yours. So be it. (Covenant Prayer by John Wesley)
Right now I am brought low and put to suffering but praise be to Jesus that I am counted worthy to be considered for suffering. Praise that I have been trusted to be spoken to and chosen to be humbled. Praise that my baby has been so well covered in prayer this week. Praise that we have been chosen to be blessed in a such way. Praise that we've been considered formidable enough to be called to battle and reminded of who the Enemy is and who he is not. In all things praise the Lord.
