I'd like to introduce you to . . .

my son, Conner.

Every year around this time I start to get a little ancy, get a little nervous, get a little worried because it's the time of year when teacher/student selections take place. I begin to fret over teachers and classmates and I begin to pray and pray for the right people and right friends. 

Although Conner went to school three days a week last year this is different because he is in a regular class and the teacher/student ratio is going to be much higher. It scares me to death.

I was bouncing my thoughts around to a friend-type/acquaintance person who works at his school and the advice was just to not worry and "trust the system." Honestly that statement has made me so MAD!! So in order to not jeopardize that relationship in telling them just exactly how I feel about it I'm going to have to write it down before I explode! (and if you are reading this blog then that odds are great that you are not that friend-type person - PROMISE!)

First, this person works at the school and will never have to "just the trust the system" so that advice was just rife with hypocrisy. Second, "the system" does not know my child and does not have his best interest at heart.

Which is why I feel the need to introduce my son to you - he is four years old and is a bundle of sweetness, mischief, laughter, ninja kicks, and hugs! I have cried countless tears over his little body - tears because I fear I've failed him, tears because I know I've failed him, tears over my inadequacy to know what's best, tears of worry over his health, tears of worry over his speech - tears of joy and frustration and fatigue.

I've slept many nights curled up around his sweet body while it is racked by unexplained fevers . . . I have woken him up in cycles to administer medicine take away rashes that covered his whole body and left him a scratchy mess . .  I have held his hand for countless finger pricks and shots and tests . . . I've kept journals of fevers and symptoms and everything in between.

I've taken him to 5 different speech therapists and been overwhelmed by guilt because the reason he needs them is due to my own afflictions.

I have fought for him and spoken for him and loved him and cared for him . . . as I have and will for all my children.

So to tell me to trust a system to know what's best for him is a HUGE slap in the face to me, his mother. 

I am however trusting in GOD who has done all these things alongside me and more things then I'll ever know. I am trusting that my prayers for the right teacher and the right kids and the right speech therapist have been answered according to HIS plan and not my own. I am trusting that when I send my little boy who does not have the words that people will understand into that big school where I cannot interpret for him that God will give others ears to hear and to understand. I am trusting strangers to love him and care for him in the hours that I am way from him - I am trusting that God has orchestrated all of this for the good of Conner . . . I am trusting God, not your silly system.

And when you see me on August 20 and I am a big ball of tears and a heap of Kleenex you'll know that's me trusting . . . because he'll be there and I'll be here and that my dear friends is trust in something bigger than your system.

Conner

My sweet Little is not so little anymore! He is a wonderful big brother and has nicknamed Aaron "Aaron gaga." As you will notice in most of his pictures he likes to either stick out his tongue or hold something in front of one eye . . . he is slightly crazy but that makes him fun and keeps us laughing!

He got to go with my parents on his first birthday trip this May with Mason as well. He loves his brothers and is having fun! I'm heartbroken over him starting preschool in a few weeks. I think it will help him but it's me I'm worried about!

Classic sweet Conner - so excited to meet Aaron Gaga

At his PreK 3 program - sticking out his tongue

Mimee & Mason & Conner

sweet cowboy brothers - one with their tongue out!

at Mason's birthday party - alligator eye

at VBS with his tongue out

celebrating Mason's birthday with a donut eye

loving each other and the water

my beloved

MASON!

Life has been crazy busy and chaotic and stressful around the Brown house but we've also had lots of fun adjusting to being a family of FIVE and celebrating summer!

Mason has probably had the most fun this summer. He has celebrated a birthday, gone on vacation with Conner and my parents, gone canoeing and camping on the Buffalo River with my dad and Ryan and some 30 other guys, and he'll be leaving again soon for some more camping!

Proud big brother at the hospital with Aaron

Playing some ball

Run, Mason, Run!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Showing Conner the ropes in 1st grade

Proud of my Mason and his reading trophy and

academic awards medal

birthday party fun

I've mentioned before that Mason is shy and he HATES programs at church

and school that he has to perform in so imagine my surprise on parent's night at

VBS when I saw my sweetie at the front holding the Bible for the pledge!

slip n slide fun

12 WEEKS!

Leaving the hospital

The boys wanted to help with bath so we moved it to living room!

My four guys are so cute!

Silly Brothers

beautiful feet

What an ordinary day looks like

no one dressed and JUNK all over the living room

First family of 5 trip to church

2 months old!

Happy 4th of July

Baby Aaron!

Here in the land of slow internet service it's really hard to find time to blog and upload pictures!! These pictures of Baby Aaron's Big Day literally took 24 hours to upload! And this isn't even half of what I wanted to show but for now it will have to do! City dwellers this is one area of living where you have us country folks beat hands down.

So Thursday, April 19, I had one day of things to do and make ready before Aaron's scheduled arrival on Friday, April 20.  However . . . around 2 a.m. on Thursday morning I woke up with this weird feeling . . . and then around 4 a.m. I got this painful feeling and it came every 30 minutes.  Although Aaron was my third child I have NEVER experienced any sort of contractions with any of my other pregnancies - false or otherwise - so I was a little clueless as to what was going on.  My alarm went off around 6 and I just assumed that when I got up and moving around I would feel better.  The boys and I got ready for school and I was still having those pains . . . and I was still having them on the way to school . . . and on the way home from school . . . and while I made me a big breakfast of pancakes and a Coke (you know because on Friday I was having a baby and wouldn't get breakfast!).  I talked to a few friends who confirmed for me that yes I was having contractions!

I needed to hurry through the morning because Conner had an appointment in Shreveport at 10:00 but I called my mom and jokingly said to get ready because we may be having a baby.  She began to worry about me and sent my dad to take Conner to his appointment.

On Wednesday night I had emailed my sister and sister-in-law the "plan of action" for Mason & Conner starting with Friday morning Field Day and going through Monday morning.  By Thursday morning they had responded that everything was set and ready for Friday . . . apparently I should have sent Aaron the email!

The contractions continued throughout the remainder of the day so I got my bags packed just in case but was still pretty certain I was experiencing false labor however to appease my mom & sister I went to the doctor just to be safe.

The doctor hooked me up to a machine and then unhooked me and told me she would see me at the hospital and I said "Ok, see you tomorrow!" She looked at me like I was crazy and told me that she meant immediately! My contractions were 3 minutes apart and that I was having a baby today whether I was ready or not! I kept telling her about my Thursday "to do" list and that I had to be at Field Day Friday morning before coming into the hospital at 10 for my noon C-Section.

Finally convinced, my mom and I got on the elevator and headed to the hospital.  Funny thing was neither of us pressed a floor on the elevator because we were busy making phone calls so we sat in the elevator not moving until someone else got in and then we had to take a ride up and then back down!

Ryan freaked out a little and kept telling me all the things he had to do at work and asking me what exactly I meant by "having a baby NOW!"  Thankfully he settled down and made it in plenty of time.

Baby Aaron Ryan Brown was born on Thursday, April 19, 2012 at 4:00 p.m. and weighed 8 pounds, 13 ounces at was 19 inches long and was perfect in every way!  WELCOME TO THE WORLD AARON!

Daddy & Aaron

I was still being operated on here and was not feeling good!

Proud Big brothers getting their first glimpse of Aaron

Family waiting to meet our little guy!

(Thanks Erica for taking the picture!)

Most Awesome Big Brothers