R.E.L.I.E.F

Last week I had my annual doctor's visit (I know really something to blog about, huh?) - dread. I changed doctors so I was a little nervous about seeing someone new, but excited too because I was unhappy with my previous doctor . . . something about cutting my stomach open but not even speaking a word to me all day sort of rubbed me the wrong way!

New Dr. S took me in her office and asked me all the customary questions - do I smoke? NO do I drink? NO do I have history of cancer, diabetes, etc.? NO - and so on. I was feeling quite confident that I may have been like the healthiest patient she'd ever had and that she was so happy I'd found her!

After the exam, I went back in her office to collect my belongings and then she said to sit down. I could have sworn that she said something like "I felt a tumor" so I scooted my chair a little closer and blinked my eyes a few times for clarity and asked her to repeat because I must have misunderstood her. Oddly, it sounded exactly the same as the first time - "I think you have a tumor." After that I remember bits of pieces of where and how and why.

And know about me that I'm a "worst case scenario" kind of girl. When I think of tragedy or something my mind first goes to the worst possible instance therefore basically I had already diagnosed myself with cancer, mentally written notes to my family, and thought out how I'd battle depression when she told me I couldn't have anymore kids. I tried to quit being that girl so when Ryan asked if I wanted him to come with me to my ultrasound appointment today I told him no, because it would be admitting I was worried and I wasn't admitting that.

Today was the day for my ultrasound and I had been battling nerves all morning. When I pulled up to the hospital I was seriously second-guessing my do it all by myself mindset. I began to pray my favorite verse, Phillipians 4: something - "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Slowly fragments of verses came floating back to me "be of good cheer" "peace that transcends all understanding" "I will be with you always." I made a mental note to thank my parents for all the years of Sunday School, Girls in Action, Church Training, Bible Drill, etc. because without that I wouldn't know hardly any verses by heart!

Then my sweet Jesus said again "I will be with you always" and I knew then that I hadn't shown up to this appointment by myself at all. I walked in and sat right down to read People magazine with my nerves mostly settled.

Thankfully, I have nothing to worry about! After a 20 minute ultrasound (and btw, this is not on the belly so its not that comfortable for 20 minutes!), the tech found a teeny tiny spot. The doctor doesn't feel like its anything to be concerned about at this time.

So thanks to my few dear sweet friends and family who knew about this and did their best to call me and keep my spirits high while I waited the LONG week for this appointment. RELIEF has flooded my soul tonight!